


Mirror

by yellowpaintpots



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alcohol, Character Death, Grief, I REALLY DONT KNOW HOW TO TAG THIS, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:26:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23514622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yellowpaintpots/pseuds/yellowpaintpots
Summary: Roman isn't handling his grief very well.
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit Sanders
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	Mirror

**Author's Note:**

> ok so a few notes
> 
> 1) i didn't proofread this, i wrote this all in one go and its probably a bit rough around the edges and maybe ill rewrite it at some point when i can  
> 2) this is kinda inspired by a song and if you can name the song you get Cool Points  
> 3) character death!!!! be warned!!!!! please read the tag!!!
> 
> ok and finally: each time skip (signalled by the lines) is at least a few days!! thank u, enjoy being sad, love u

Roman’s limbs felt heavy. He sat up in bed with a low sigh and a roll of his shoulders. He stretched his arms over his head. The night had been rough as anyone could tell by the dark circles under tired, brown eyes. He kicked his legs over the side of his bed and immediately regretted his choice as the cold air of his bedroom bit his now exposed skin.

He shivered and stood up, slowly making his way into the small bathroom that lead off from his room. The tile was as cold as everything else and Roman considered grabbing a pair of socks, but the dull, empty feeling in his head pushed the thought away. It didn’t really matter.

He stared into the bathroom mirror. He usually would’ve winced at the dark circles or the faint frown lines or how his hair was getting just a little too long, but the fog in his mind blanketed any of his usual thoughts.

_Roman?_

His head perked up, his shoulders tensed and his fingers tightened their grip on the freezing bathroom sink. He felt a shiver run down his spine and something softly press against his shoulder. It was barely there, feather soft, and just as Roman went to turn around he saw a flash of yellow in the mirror.

Roman rubbed his eyes and groaned, looking back up. Nothing there. Just him and his tired eyes and messy hair.

He ignored the crushing weight in his chest as he continued his day.

* * *

* * *

Roman woke up on the couch. He couldn’t remember when he’d gone for a nap. He didn’t really care either. He sat up and ignored the dull ache in his back and he stood. What had he eaten for breakfast? He couldn’t remember that either. He headed into the kitchen and rusted around in the cupboards, eventually settling on just putting some bread in the toaster. He rested his hands on the countertop, eyes closing as he breathed.

Cold. He felt cold wrap around the middle of his body, and he tensed up.

_Roman, honey. Are you listening?_

He felt his eyes sting. He nodded. “Yeah, love. I’m listening.”

_Good. I love you._

Roman jumped when his toast popped up, and then turned around, sliding down the counter and onto the floor as he burst into tears.

* * *

* * *

_Oh, honey, you look exhausted._

Roman stared down at the carpet, eyes burning holes into the already stained floor. He’d meant to replace it weeks ago. He never did.

“I am,” He agreed, voice strained. He picked up his empty glass from the table and stared at it for a second before putting it down and switching it out for the full bottle instead.

A gloved hand gently rested on his knee. Barely there. Feather soft. Roman bit his lip and looked up, seeing warm, amber coloured eyes staring back at him. Dee’s smile was sweet and loving and Roman’s eyes welled up again. Dee gently cupped Roman’s face. His hands were cold. They were always cold.

_You should get some rest, Roman._

Roman couldn’t argue with that. Not that his body would let him anyway. He felt like someone had tied weights to him. He felt drained.

He didn’t remember falling asleep.

* * *

* * *

Roman’s entire body trembled. He was weak, exhausted, empty. He dragged himself to the kitchen, then to the bathroom. He held tight to the edge of the sink to hold himself up. He glared at his own reflection before focusing his eyes on the figure standing just behind him. Arms wrapped around his waist and cold lips against his neck.

This wasn’t right. This wasn’t right-

Dee looked up. Maybe he read Roman’s mind. Roman didn’t know anymore. He never knew.

_Honey? Are you ok?_

Roman noticed how Dee’s words never seemed to line up with his lip movements. He shook his head.

“I can’t keep doing this,” He whispered.

_Oh, Roman…_

Roman pushed away from the sink and got himself to bed. He was so tired. He was just always so tired.

* * *

* * *

He was crying. His fingers shook as he typed in Patton’s number. Patton picked up almost instantly and Roman could’ve smiled at the relieved tone of his friend’s voice if he wasn’t so distressed.

“Oh thank god! Roman, it’s been weeks. We tried to come over to your apartment but it was locked and then Virgil tried to break the door down but I guess it’s blocked with something-“

“Patton…”

“And we’ve called so many times, too. Are you alright? I know you’re still probably grieving but-“

“P-Patton-“

Roman’s voice cracked and Patton stopped talking. Roman let out a sob as he put the phone onto speaker and set it on the bathroom counter. He rand his fingers through his hair and tugged roughly at it as his eyes locked onto Dee’s.

“Ro… Is everything ok?”

“No! No- Nothing’s ok. Nothing’s at all ok. It hasn’t been ok since he- Since-“ Roman yelled in a mixture of frustration and sadness. He kicked the stool he’d set up and whimpered. “I can still see him, Pat! I can still see him, I hear him, I f-feel him! He’s still _here_ , but it’s not _HIM_ , and I-“

Dee looked at him sadly but Roman shook his head and rubbed his eyes. “I can’t fucking do it anymore! I can’t do anything without him being here. I just want it to _STOP_!”

“Roman? Do you need one of us to-“

“ _NO_!”

Roman’s breathing had quickened. His hair had fallen into his face and his eyes were dark. Everything was quiet for a few seconds.

“R-Ro…?”

“I just wanted to call to let you know that I’m sorry,” Roman said, picking the phone back up. His finger hovered over the ‘End Call’ button. “My spare key is on the top of the doorframe. Let yourself in. I-“ He paused and looked over at Dee, tears falling again. “Tell everyone I’m sorry.”

He ended the call before Patton could answer. He looked at Dee as he stepped up onto the stool.

“I love you, you know?” He said, smiling for the first time in weeks.

Dee nodded.

_I know, honey. I love you too._


End file.
